Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

To no one’s shock, I’ll readily confess that I am battling a bout of depression. So a daily blog prompt question like ” Describe your favorite fashions from days of yore or current trends you think are stylin’” absolutely does nothing for me.

Well, to be totally honest, it does momentarily give me a new lens to basque in cruddy feelings about growing up poor with no one to teach me anything about these things and so forth, but that’s not going to generate anything interesting for you to read. At first, I considered just skipping the daily blog posts until I feel better but I’m on a streak – I’ve blogged every day since September 29, 2013 and the goal of stretching myself to write includes when I don’t feel like writing. I’m also on a streak with the #365FeministSelfie project (43 consecutive photos) so even when I contributed this post last night, I felt triumphant – I was not a quitter.

Believe me, I get how sad it is that writing even the most ridiculous blog post and posting a selfie keeps me going, but if persistence is my single virtue then I suppose that’s not so bad. “She was best known for consistently writing incomprehensible screeds without fail.”

So fashion when you are depressed? For me, comfort is a must. I like loose fitted clothing that feels snuggly – so sweats and jammies in the winter, shorts and t-shirts in the summer. Some people can wear jammies for days on end – I prefer to change out of them at least once per day. To me, that signals that I accomplished something typical and normal, not going through the day in my jammies even though I don’t really care what I look like. I will go to the store (if I MUST go anywhere) in jammies and a sweatshirt because I really don’t care.

I have a ton of jammies because Ledcat has gifted me with all sorts of matching sets in our 10+ years – flannel, fleece, dog themed, etc. And I do really like to wear a matched set, perhaps because I didn’t have pajamas growing up. You just slept in whatever. So putting on a fresh pair of cute pajamas can have an impact on my mood – I feel somewhat comforted, cute and cozy. It doesn’t last long, but it matters like a little temporary boost of endorphins that might not flip the switch but do get some positive buzz going in your brain. 

I also really hate the word jammies, but because my fingers hurt a bit today it is easier to type than the word pajamas so many times. Concessions must be made.

When one is depressed, thinking goes like this -“I wore those sweat pants yesterday. But I really don’t feel like doing laundry. If I do laundry, I should do <insert other type of laundry load> and I definitely don’t feel like doing two loads of laundry. I’ll just wear these again, no one actually is going to see me so who cares.”

Sometimes, the nicest thing you can do for someone struggling with depression is to help them get access to clean clothes, sheets and socks. Caretakers know this, but it is another one of those “casserole” moments where people will do these tasks for people with deserving illness, but not for those of us who should be able to do our own laundry. And there’s some truth to the fact that if I did the laundry, I would feel better. I know this in the back of my mind but it doesn’t seem to be enough to spur change in my behavior. Because I also *know* the good feeling won’t last, so why bother?

And, really, who wants to have that looping conversation with anyone?

Back to fashion, so cute and durable jammies are a style. Reasonably clean sweat pants and interchangeable sweatshirts. Lots of socks. I just like my feet to be warm, even on a good day, I rarely care if my socks match. I went through that in high school and college – the whole alternative argyle sock phase. But again it is true that when I find a matched pair of socks, especially cute socks, it does lift my spirits.  But only for a bit. And since it is actually true that no one cares what your socks look like, this isn’t really a true motivator in the same way that actually running out of clean pants to wear to work might be.

I have a lot of hoodies, but only two with loose necks – the others are tight so I never wear them. I have a slew of shapeless men’s tee shirts I bought at Penney’s probably 12 years ago – St. John’s Bay, I believe. They hold up well.

The good news is that I have two commitments this weekend that will require me to leave the house in something other than a 14 year old hoodie over flannel pajamas. Fortunately, both are blue jeans events so I’ll be able to wear the hoodie over jeans and no one will give a thought about my socks. I might actually put on doc martens to create the illusion of dressing up and in case I do have to take a photo.

And that is about as much effort as I can put into fashion thoughts when depressed. I need to enjoy this momentary high of having on matching socks so I can tackle an issue with Verizon. Sigh.