Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

The Researchers Investigating Missing, Murdered, Unclaimed, and Unidentified Trans and Queer Neighbors Around the World

[E]ach ribbon covers one year, and you can see the ribbons get longer over time. It shows that we’re not being hyperbolic when we talk about a genocide, about it getting worse; you can unwind each ribbon, read the names, run your fingers over the stitches, and feel the weight. The longest so far is 2021, with 475 names, and is around 8.5ft long, or 2.59 metres. That’s 1.3 people per day. So at least one trans person is killed every day,  that we know of.

Recently, we launched a mini-series exploring the work of tracking and reporting anti-trans violence. You can read the initial post The Researchers: A Closer Look at the Search for Missing and Murdered Trans and Queer People

I created a Q&A for multiple people involved in this work. I’ve learned so much from them. Also, I realize how most people don’t actually realize what does into this work, in terms of time, resources, emotional labor, and determination.

You can read about the tools at the link above. Here, we want you to read what the researchers themselves have to say.

I work with most of these folx through the Facebook Trans Violence Group. I am grateful for their time and energy to help my readers better understand this complex and difficult work. That being said, please note that I do not necessarily agree with everything they say.

This third Q&A in our series is from Mal Cox whose creativity led to a beautiful annual tribute to the victims of fatal anti-trans violence. His work, the manner in which he came up with the idea – the love and devotion in every stitch is humbling. Mal sent me several beautiful photos to illustrate their work. Still, I wanted to celebrate Mal the human being as well as the work they do.

Your Name: Mal Fox

Your Pronouns he/they

Affiliation(s)  I’m not sure what this is asking for, but I’m a volunteer for Generate, a trans and non binary charity that operates in York, UK, with whom I run a trans and non binary swim, and I’m a member of both York LGBT Forum, and York Disability Rights Forum. 

How do you describe your identity? (can be as robust as you like, not limited to SOGI identifiers)  I’m a autistic, ADHD, mentally ill, disabled, exhausted, aroace, non binary trans masc artist, crafter, poet and activist from York in the UK

Please describe your specific involvement in finding and honoring murdered, missing, and unclaimed trans and queer people.  I don’t really actively find information, but I do honour those who are on the list, by creating an ongoing art installation in which I handstitch the names of those on the list produced for Transgender Day of Remembrance onto trans flag coloured ribbons. I started this project on TDOR, on 20th November 2021, that’s when I made the first stitch. By a week before TDOR in 2022 I had stitched all the names listed since 1970 up to date at that time. If I had to quantify it, I’d say that was about 1500hrs of work, during which I read every entry before stitching the name. I have added the names each year since then, I’ll be starting this year’s at the end of August.

I read all the entries, because sometimes the information in the entries revealed more names for the deceased, and I try to include all names they were known by, except deadnames. It hasn’t always been possible to avoid deadnames, sometimes it’s the only information available, but I’ve done my best to ensure that all names people had were included. For example, one woman had 2 more names listed in her information, she had her chosen name, her pen name as she was an author, and her sex work name. All 3 are stitched onto the memorial, as each name was part of who she was, and how different people knew her.  And if there are just initials,  rather than a full name, that often indicates that the deadname is all we had. Sometimes a name is not available at all, for a number of reasons, such as the family won’t release the name, or the police are keeping it confidential as the case is ongoing, or we simply don’t know who the deceased is, just that the were part of the trans family. In those cases, I mark their place with an asterisk star. This keeps their place for their name to be added on with smaller ribbon if it ever comes to light. A few names have been found since I started this project and appended to the ribbons.

I also try to recognize those who just slip through the cracks. People who just disappear need to be actively thought about and searched for, but in the meantime, I separate each name from the next with 3 vertical dots, and I think of each of those dots as representing a person who simply disappeared, who we don’t know about, but who is out there somewhere. I do this not just because there are people who slip through the cracks, but also because there are large parts of the world we don’t have any information about, for example, most of Africa, Asia and much of the Middle East. Information is starting to appear from these parts of the world, but its not a lot, and we in no way have a true idea of the number of people whose names we should have said so far, and we won’t until the governments of countries around the world not only see this information as important enough to record, but also to share. 

I try to stitch the names in the order that they died in, but the nature of the work means that sometimes I have to append names into a section I’ve already stitched. When I first started,  I tried to think of ways to make it look impressive and artistic, but nothing seemed right, and then a friend of mine, who runs Portal Bookshop, a queer bookshop in York, UK, reminded me that the subject matter isn’t pretty so the installation shouldn’t try to sugar coat it either, which is why it is simple, practical, and stark, and there is room for more ribbons to be added as the work continues. 

As well as the ribbons  I combined a stitching tradition with the memento mori tradition, to create keepsakes. There’s a needlecraft tradition where you place all the offcuts of thread into a jar, mostly to keep it tidy, but it can also be used as a decoration. This jar is known as an ort jar. The word “ort” is an old word that means “scraps” or “leftovers”, and so I placed the offcuts that had all been pulled through at least one name, into little jars, and created memento mori ort jars, that people took as keepsakes at the TDOR events, and some were sent out to people who requested them after seeing my posts.

however, this is something we need to be loud about, we need to help people realise the extent of the hatred, the depths that are plumbed in the acts that are perpetrated against our community. So, being saddened is fine, we all get to feel our emotions, but I personally will not turn away because its easier to not see it, because yes, I’m sad too, but I’m also angry, and we can’t turn away, we can’t hesitate for fear of being seen as depressing, we can’t prioritise comfort over the safety of our, and other marginalised, communities.

What geographic region(s) do you cover? Why? I’d like to say worldwide, but as I mentioned previously, some parts of the world do not make the information about trans deaths and suicides available. The hard work of those who search for names has revealed some in those areas, but its barely any, and I’m sure the number does not reflect the reality. So, as much as the world as we have information for. As for why, because this is a worldwide issue, its not localised anywhere, though it is worse in some places than others. This is a worldwide genocide of our community.

Why is this work important? Because remembrance is what we can do while we fight for justice and for our right to exist, live and flourish without fear of violence and death. It shows the stark reality of the situation,  as it also works as a bar graph. The first three ribbons cover 39years, from 1970 until 2009, then after that, each ribbon covers one year, and you can see the ribbons get longer over time. It shows that we’re not being hyperbolic when we talk about a genocide, about it getting worse; you can unwind each ribbon, read the names, run your fingers over the stitches, and feel the weight. The longest so far is 2021, with 475 names, and is around 8.5ft long, or 2.59 metres. That’s 1.3 people per day. So at least one trans person is killed every day,  that we know of. 

Also, because while the lists on the Internet are absolutely vital, and the remembrance there is hugely important, having something to touch, run your hands over, interact with, makes its more immediate, more visual, more impactful. 

You do something very unique, that adds beauty to TDOR. You produce an ongoing memorial in which you hand stitch the names of our dead onto ribbons.. How did you get started with this tribute? I’m disabled, and my mobility is reducing all the time. In 2021, I realised I wasn’t able to be as active in protests and marches anymore (I now have a wheelchair so can be  bit more active again), and I felt I wasn’t able to contribute anymore. Then I watched Pose, and Billy Porters character sews his own square for the AIDS quilt, and I thought “we should have something like that”. I didn’t have the skill at sewing for something as amazing as the AIDS quilt , or at organising large numbers of people to make a large project like that happen, but I did some searching, and found that I could get grosgrain ribbons in trans flag colours. That’s when the idea hit of doing year by year ribbons of the names on the TDOR lists. Initially I tried to put each person’s name, location, DoB and DoD, but it took so long to do just one person, I’d still be stitching the names I did in the first year of stitching now, so I reduced it to just names, and it went from there.

Where does this memorial live? How can people view it? The memorial spends most of its time displayed in the Portal Bookshop in York, UK. It comes home to me just before TDOR each year, for me to add the new ribbon for the year just gone, and then it goes to whichever TDOR event I can get to, it has been displayed at TDOR events in 2022 and 2023 so far, both years in York, but also in Hull in 2023 as Trans Hull held their memorial a day early. I plan on trying take it around the UK, to a different TDOR event in different cities each year, but I’m restricted by my disability and transport. I haven’t decided which city to reach out to this year yet. 

As well as being available to view in person at the Portal Bookshop, there is also a Facebook page devoted to it, which is linked below, and it can also be seen on my Instagram and my Tiktok. 

I think this is a lovely example of how anyone can bring their unique skills to this work. What do you say to someone who feels they have nothing to offer? In my experience, the trans community are a creative bunch, so whatever skill you have can be turned towards doing something to make our world a better place, to evoke understanding, and to drive positive change. If you think you’ve nothing  to offer, it’s not true, everyone can do something, and don’t ever underestimate the importance of the little things we do for each other every day; the support we show each other, the help we give each other, the community we create and the love we share. Just by letting a friend cry on your shoulder, or celebrate a step they’ve taken on their journey with you, you’re contributing.

You told me that your ribbon memorial actually brought to light names that were not on the TDOR list. How did that happen? In a couple of ways. The 1st name to be given to me that wasn’t listed on the web page I use to source the names was Sam Marx, a 17yr old trans boy from Scotland who died in February 2017. I’d posted after the TDOR event in York in 2022, and someone responded asking if their friends name was on the list, I checked, and it wasn’t, we talked and I was put in touch with the mother of Sam Marx, and I then put her in touch with the person who runs the website I use, Anna. Anna already had a tweet about Sam, but it had absolutely no information beyond that he’d died by suicide. So we went from having a single tweet, to having the entire story of everything that had happened to him, all provided by his mum. When I stitched his name, I put the offcuts of the thread used to stich it in a small jar by itself, and sent it to his mum. One name I found because a woman posted about her son on a Facebook post that Wil Wheaton, of Star Trek fame, made supporting trans people. I reached out to her, as her sons name wasn’t on the website, and she passed on information, to ensure he’d be memorialised. One name I got from a tiktok user, a priest who made a tiktok about a trans man called Andi, and the priest gave me enough information to track down Andi’s Facebook, and I passed the information to Anna at the TDOR website. 

I also created little forms to leave by the memorial for people to write down information for me to check against the site. I got, iirc correctly, 2 names this way, but one didn’t include enough information to find anything about the person, just a first name, so I’ve stitched that name onto the 2022 ribbon, but there wasn’t enough information for her to be added to the website yet.

What are some of the challenges you face in your efforts? Burnout. I read every entry in the list, and I couldn’t decide what was worse,  the ones with graphic information,  or the ones with hardly any information. I had to stop and take a break twice in the first year when I stitched around 5000ish names, and read what had happened to each of them, (one was 6 weeks long, it took that time to recover enough to keep going).  Some people might ask why I’d put myself through reading all of them, but it was important to me, and it let me know I definitely had all the names each person was known by. But on top of the emotional burnout, I also suffer from chronic pain, which made holding myself in the correct position for sewing for long periods of time… uncomfortable, to put it lightly. 

Having new names be added to the website after I’d stitched past the point they were added in created a challenge too. The last week before TDOR is spent comparing what is on the ribbon with what is on the website, making lists of the names that have since appeared, and adding them on to the ribbon. I had to add around 80 names in the last week before 2023 TDOR, which meant a couple of all nighters to get it done in time, with enough time left to finish the ribbons neatly and add the velcro straps that hold it rolled up. But that’s the nature of the work, people are more likely to talk and post about trans deaths in the run up to TDOR, so a lot of names appear around that time.

Is this something you could teach another person in another location to do? Possibly. I plan to do this as long as I’m capable, but at some point, I will need to find someone to take over when I can’t anymore. My child has suggested they’d take over, but we’ll see. As for just teaching someone to stitch names, I reckon that would be doable, but I’d also encourage people to find something unique to them, rather than doing the same thing as I’m doing. Maybe, one day, someone will manage to coordinate enough people to do a quilt, or tapestry or something with all the names. But imagine what else people could do!

What do you say to the person who hesitates to share each post/flyer because it is ‘too sad.’  I always felt that the very least I can do is bear witness, and I took that to what, to me at least, was the next logical step, and to make a permanent reminder of those we have lost. I understand that it’s sometimes important to protect your own mental health, however, this is something we need to be loud about, we need to help people realise the extent of the hatred, the depths that are plumbed in the acts that are perpetrated against our community. So, being saddened is fine, we all get to feel our emotions, but I personally will not turn away because its easier to not see it, because yes, I’m sad too, but I’m also angry, and we can’t turn away, we can’t hesitate for fear of being seen as depressing, we can’t prioritise comfort over the safety of our, and other marginalised, communities. Practice self care, include fighting for a better future as part of your definition of self care, and remember that not everyone has the privilege to think its all “too sad”. Look after each other. 

don’t ever underestimate the importance of the little things we do for each other every day; the support we show each other, the help we give each other, the community we create and the love we share.

Please list any organizations or groups doing this work that people should know about. (Please write out the name and provide a link.)

 tdor.translivesmatter.info is the site I use to source the names I stitch.  Names and information of trans people who died due to anti-trans violence, medical neglect, custodial neglect/violence and suicide can also be submitted to the site. 

What else should I have asked? I’m not sure, but if anything I’ve written has inspired further questions, feel free to ask

Where can readers follow you on social media?

Tiktok: @malfoxxxy

Instagram: malin.fox

Finally, please list the social media accounts readers can  follow to remain informed and share information. TDOR hand stitched memorial 

Is there anything else you’d like to add?  Thank you for asking me to take part in this Q&A

Thank you. 

Other posts in this series in chronological order

• : A Closer Look at the Search for Missing and Murdered Trans and Queer People
• Read #TheResearchers Q&A With Noah ‘The Stigma Fighter’
• Read #TheResearchers Q&A With Arielle Rebekah