Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

I’m not fine, of course. But I’m slowly coping with this new but perhaps inevitable reality. All the things people say right, speaking past each other or to themselves. All of those things mean everything because we are alive, we are still saying things, we are still here. Marriage, single, partnered. Here we are. NaBloPoMo.

And those things mean nothing because we can’t undo what 75,176,038 votes (50.3%) of Americans have wrought. Your coping is different than mine, perhaps even in conflict with mine. And that has to be okay, but it is also desperately not even a little okay.

Last time he took control over some portion of my life, I cried. This time, I can’t weep. Not even a little bit. The familiarity of the horror rising in my throat takes me back to moments I don’t want to relive. But that view didn’t carry the day, did it?

So I’m blogging daily. I’m helping feed cats (and dogs.) I’m monitoring the events outside of the election. I’m working with people to determine if we can save/revive the #ProtectTransKids project in a time when it is much needed. I’m keeping busy doing productive things.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t take a minute to remind you that I continue to need help with legal issues stemming in part from a 302 or involuntary civil commitment that left me homeless for over six months. We’ve had this chat before, but here’s the quick version. I have an active case in Family Court and an active case in Federal District Court, both tied to events of August 2023. There’s a third legal action in Court of Common Pleas alleging I’ve committed defamation (along with six other defendants.) So I have two lawyers, one for Family Court and one for Federal Court. I could need a third lawyer for defamation. That possibility hangs over me, looms over me I should say.

Defending myself is expensive. I didn’t do anything wrong. I broke no laws or vows. I cooperated with my captors. I saved myself from a terrible situation and worked very hard these past 16 months to rebuild my life. I stabilized our nonprofit, Pittsburgh LGBTQ Charities, that languished during that time. I got myself home and got my cats sorted out. I found a pantry to store cat food and a borrowed Land Rover named Gertrude to haul cat food. I even won two awards last month. Just this past weekend, I helped to save two kittens in separate incidents. I secured a coveted interview with Admiral Rachel Levine M.D.

I’ve worked very hard to reclaim my life. I can’t get paid for that work. I rely on SSDI for my income and that’s close to $1400/month. After all my living expenses, it doesn’t leave much for deposition transcripts and other legal things. It barely leaves anything at all. My wonderful friends bring me cooked meals and the above-mentioned vehicle and take me out to eat and never take a penny from me. They stretch my budget and my heart.

But I need more. I need another $5000 to prepare for Superior Court to defend domestic partnerships in Pennsylvania. How grandiose that sounds. Let’s check the board.

In Pennsylvania, there is no statewide nondiscrimination protection based on sexual orientation or gender identity. It is legal to fire someone, evict them or turn them down for any type of business service simply for being LGBTQ or even for being perceived at LGBTQ. 70% of the Commonwealth is vulnerable. The rest of us rely on local ordinances. Unless we travel to the 70% and immediately lose that privilege if the server at a restaurant decides not to serve us. Don’t dismiss this happening in a society where children who want to play soccer have their genitalia discussed in school board meetings. It happens.

Marriage is a legal process with a public paper trail. Every County has the marriage license and divorce decree that can be accessed, typically online with a few keystrokes. This means Mary Jane and Sally in Crawford County can get a legal marriage, but they are also outed if they do so. So Mary Jane’s suspicious boss or Sally’s landlord or anyone can confirm that they are a same sex couple via the marriage license application.

Domestic partnerships are typically handled through employers and thus are personnel or HR matters. You can’t waltz into the HR department of any given employer and demand to see the domestic partnership paperwork of anyone. For folx with ties to that 70% of Pennsylvania, domestic partnerships are absolutely essential to their privacy and safety, especially now.

We talk about marriage equality, but really we aren’t there yet. Disabled people living on SSI can lose access to meager benefits if they marry. Spousal income impacts SNAP benefits or survivor benefits for adults on fixed incomes. The state still has an Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on the books that would kick into gear if the federal court rulings were chiseled away. The equivalent of marriage equality in Pennsylvania is domestic partnership.

Our State Legislature has to deal with expanding nondiscrimination protections statewide and that’s not likely to happen soon. Some protections we have under federal administrative actions are probably going to be rolled back. Expanding domestic partnerships through workplaces is smart, but arduous. However, it is something we can control one employer at a time unlike the PA General Assembly.

While Pennsylvania has had its share of “gay divorces” they have been handled privately and did not set a legal precedent. There are a thousand unanswered questions about “gay divorce” – how do you assess the value of a year of a domestic partnership contrasted with a year of marriage? Do we distinguish before the SCOTUS rulings legalizing marriage? What if there are kids involved? Or remarriage? Or previous marriages? What if the car is in one name like is the case with millions of cishet married folx? When is the Social Security Administration going to finalize rules around spousal benefits and domestic partnerships? Pre-marriage equality, it was impossible to add a non-relative to the deed without a complete refinance of the mortgage and even then … It was impossible to add your partner to your homeowners insurance or car insurance or even AFLAC. I know these things because I’ve lived them.

How do you measure these things? The obvious answer, of course, is to equate a domestic partnership to a marriage and move on to dividing assets and making informed, fair decisions. Pennsylvania isn’t great with obvious solutions. This is a state with not a single statewide right or benefit that is LGBTQ+ affirming. The only thing the PA Legislature has been able to accomplish is banning conversion therapy for minors. And that was in May 2024. This year. That’s not an affirming right. It is essential to the lives of youth, but defense and offense are different beasts.

I’m not blaming anyone who has been “gay divorced” for their choices. I am blaming the government for letting this languish until a ripe case comes along. I certainly don’t to be a test case for anything. But I can’t in good conscience agree to anything that compromises domestic partnerships.

And that’s just one component of one of my cases. There’s a whole lot more at stake, most of which I cannot discuss because I’m suing UPMC and Allegheny County.

Self-preservation will only get me so far. I need help. Help to preserve my life and help to tilt at windmills. Heck, I need help to put diesel fuel in Gertrude and cover my co-pays for therapy 3x weekly and a fistful of essential medications. I need help figuring out how I’ll access good healthcare if I am forced to rely on Medicare alone in my 50’s. Not many Medicare approved providers.

Again, I’m so grateful for those who have and continue to support me in ways big and small. But this isn’t nearly over. All the things I cannot say could impact lots of vulnerable people who aren’t queer. It is a lot for one person to endure. I’m lucky I have many persons to help me.

If you can help me by contributing financially, I’d be grateful. Together, we can do some good for me and for a lot of other people. If you are a long-time reader, first time donor, you know what I mean. My track record while far from impeccable is solid and grounded in facts.

None of this is fair. To anyone.

Oh, tear ducts and rust …

Please help me.

GoFundMe bit.ly/HelpLGBTQBlogger

Venmo @Pghlesbian

CashApp $Pghlesbian

Paypal.me/Pghlesbian

Zelle sitnscoop@gmail.com