Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

Here we are again, nearly midnight and I’ve yet to post for NaBloPoMo. While I am giving semi-serious thought to exploring my hair tie/scrunchie issues, I’m going to pivot.

As a white woman, I’m apparently supposed to wear a blue friendship bracelet to show I’m one of the good white women who didn’t vote for Trump. What the mother-loving performative malarkey is this?

53% of white women supported Donald Trump. I don’t think a ‘Not All White Ladies’ approach is the best idea. Let’s be honest – we aspiring virtue signalers know these women. They are in our family, our friend circles, our neighborhoods, workplaces, book clubs, etc.

Rather than protect ourselves from being lumped in with them, perhaps we should take on the mantle of protecting marginalized folx from being further damaged by this rampaging group of racists. Maybe instead of learning how to bead a bracelet, we need to figure out how to bend the ear of these white women and hold them accountable for what they wrought.

The thing is, my friend, this requires a nuanced approach. Throwing a glass of chardonnay in the face of Jane at book club because she thinks ‘illegal’ immigrants took her job probably won’t be very effective and definitely a waste of a good glass of wine. How about selecting a book that encourages critical thinking skills and maybe serve some lemonade?

If I were still connected to my family of origin, throwing down with Aunt Nancy or Cousin Mary would immediately trigger all the jagoff men to circle and taunt me about my welfare-lovin’ ways. And then brag about not voting at all as they slump into their cups. A blue bracelet would just evoke more predatory denial. Is that a thing? It is for my family.

I sit at this keyboard at 11:22 PM thinking hard about this. Do I stay up until 4 AM wrestling with the word crafting? Do I acknowledge that I don’t known how to do this and get the good night’s sleep necessary for my own welfare? Some fusion of these tactics?

I’m not a confrontational person and I am terrified of being yelled at. These are legacies of my own trauma and not excuses to avoid my work here. I am not hiding behind a keyboard, I am incorporating keystrokes into my work.

What I choose to do is to continue unlearning anti-Blackness and understanding how white supremacy benefits me. I follow great folx on my social media channnels, I read, I engage, I listen. I acknowledge that I would have a choice to slip that blue bracelet on or off in any given scenario and lean into my whiteness. I hope like hell that I wouldn’t do that, but I’m sure that I already do.

But it isn’t enough. Mocking friendship bracelets is pretty ineffective. It feels good right now at 11:28 PM, but I feel the paralysis of running out of something to say. Because I don’t know the answers. That doesn’t mean I avoid the questions.

Living in a world whre 53% of white women, or any women, voted for Donald Trump is our legacy. We can appropriate other cultures and cast off evil spirits by creating beaded smudge sticks. I’m not going to do that because I understand cultural appropriation is wrong. And my capacity to understand and incorporate that conviction in my day to day reality gives me genuine hope that I can do better. More better. Is that a thing?

Don’t get me wrong. As a survivor of sexual violence, I find the ominous tones of ‘Your body, my choice’ terrorizing. I doubt my actions or words or even deeds could have an impact on men, especially white men, who embrace that world view. But knowing how to navigate women’s spaces gives me an opportunity to come at that from a different approach. My obligation is to try.

At 11:41 PM, a solidaty tear runs down my face as I realize how daunting this will be. Because in addition to the 53% of white women who voted for Donald Trump, we have a significant slice of lefty and moderate white women who think performative acts of allyship will truly keep them safe. They are foolingn themselves, but I know they won’t listen.

Looking back to 2017, I wrote this post in response to the Women’s Marches in Pittsburgh.

I think having two marches/rallies centering women in Pittsburgh was a positive thing because it shined a light on the reality that we live in two Pittsburghs, divided by race.

There’s an honesty there that is so rarely evident or acknowledged elsewhere. An event centering the experiences of Black women did not take away from the white feminist march. The white feminist march had a huge turnout and made an impact. That’s much like day-to-day life in this region – two realities that don’t intersect one another.

White women in Pittsburgh don’t want to wrestle with their racism. Including me at 12:04 AM. Maybe I am just wallowing in regrets.

I don’t regret bringing up this topic. Someone has to say it.

And I need to do better.