Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

I am honored to be named to the 2025 ‘Power List’ to kick-off Lesbian Visibility Week. Thank you to the Curve Foundation for this honor and the chance to highlight important issues.

“[T]hese individuals are breaking barriers, challenging norms, and leaving an indelible mark on our community and beyond. It is essential for us to acknowledge the advancements made by and for the spectrum of women, even in the face of adversity and disapproval.”

I’m really pleased because someone, identity unknown to me, nominated me amidst a sea of lesbians, queer women, and nonbinary folx. It is especially humbling because two nominees asked to be excluded due to safety concerns. That’s where we are as a country. Full stop. I am grateful I’m not in that situation, but recognize I’ve been targeted before and might be again.

In my bio, I tried to shout out the need of lifting up the trans community however possible. 

But I also drew attention to a personal issue – my legal battle to ensure domestic partnerships are upheld and validated as functional marital equivalents in Pennsylvania. Should a functional marital equivalent (FME) such as a dp, civil union, common law marriage, etc be considered as part of a legal marriage? That is the fundamental question.

A decade after marriage equality, there is no legal guidance for equivalent relationships

Consider that you are registered as partners for 10 years b/c marriage wasn’t legal, then married for five. Then divorce – is it a 15 year or a five year relationship? What if you entered into a civil union, moved to another state that doesn’t have them, does your union become a partnership or marriage? How do you end a civil union in a state that doesn’t recognize them?  What if you had FME from another country, obtained a green card and wanted to dissolve the relationship?

Nobody knows for sure, a decade after marriage equality became the law of the land. Stunning that it hasn’t come up.

Do you know how many variants or functional marital equivalents there are? Government-sanctioned relationships that may be similar or equivalent to civil unions include civil partnerships, registered partnerships, domestic partnerships, significant relationships, reciprocal beneficiary relationships, common-law marriage, adult interdependent relationships, life partnerships, stable unions, civil solidarity pacts, and so on.

A domestic partnership in Pittsburgh doesn’t look like one from Nevada. Neither does the harm experienced because of the denial of marriage equality – state laws on insurance coverage and property transfers for example. For immediate relevance, what would the SAVE Act due to couples who changed their names, but don’t have a marriage license?

Higher courts have not addressed this jurisdictional confusion in a comprehensive way. 

All I can do is focus on my own case and if it goes up the jurisdictional chain, so be it. I’m not going to concede that 16 years of my 18.5 year relationship has no value, meaning, or legitimacy. That’s not good for me and it is not good for other people whose relationships began before 2014. Other same sex couples, opposite sex couples, senior citizens and disabled folx could lose essential benefits if they marry, so FME are often their only way to validate their relationship.

Protect Trans Kids

Why I need the help from the community

I need your help. I need donations to finance my legal battles (read the main part of the crowdfund for the big picture.) 

Court cases (I have two) are REALLY expensive. I don’t have any big backers. I’m going to need the LGBTQ+ community across the nation to stand with me and defend our freedom to create families. 

I launched my blog just a few months before we registered our domestic partnership. Our relationship is embedded in thousands of posts, posts describing how we experienced the world. The Pgh City Paper wrote about our wedding. The fiber of our family is very much part of the community.

To fight this battle – two cases, two years in – will require resources that I don’t have. My only asset is this blog. What should I do if it comes down to selling the blog to finance these legal battles? I’ve lived with that possibility for nearly two years. How do I protect trans kids if I don’t fight to protect all of our families?

I am proud to be named to this Power Lesbian list. It is time to take a moment to reflect on what my lesbian blog has accomplished over 20 years. I’m proud we changed the logo to more overtly stand with the trans and queer communities. But it is hard to do those things when facing the stark reality of marriage inequality. Still, we were warned that marriage equality did not equal LGBTQ liberation. This should have been addressed years ago.

Is there a fair and simple solution?

But the issues around domestic partnerships and marriage are very real and very much undecided. And very much disproportionately heavy for queer, trans, BIPOC, disabled, and poor members of our community. We know the dissolution of any relationship is difficult, but the legal entanglements have to be clear. A good example of these complications is the SAVE act.

I think a 1:1 equivalent is the most fair and the most pragmatic. How on earth would any court be able to figure out a percentage for the hundreds of possible combinations they might need to address?  This relationship is 1:3 and that one is 1:6? Yours is 40% and theirs is 73%? 

I also think it is imperative that we protect these functional marital equivalents. Roe fell. Marriage equality is in the Project 2025 playbook. We need to fall back on our state and local governments who govern these equivalents. Here in Pennsylvania, the so-called Defense of Marriage Act is still on the books even though it is invalid. If marriage equality falls, that DOMA immediately becomes the law of Pennsylvania. What does that mean for all of us? 

The ruling of the UK Supreme Court that transgender women are not legally women is a bitter, ugly example of reasons not to be complacent.

Don’t assume anything about being grandparented in. What good would it do to have a grandparented marriage that isn’t recognized in Ohio or by the federal government? Many of us know that feeling, pre-2014.

advancements made by and for the spectrum of women, even in the face of adversity and disapproval

My lawyer told me that if we end up in an appellate court, we’ll be making case law. It saddens me that it is the dissolution of my long-term relationship, but knowing it could improve the lives of people from all walks of life living in this uncertainty – well, that’s an advancement. 

If you can contribute to my legal and living fees, you’ll be helping to preserve domestic partnerships and other marital equivalents in Pennsylvania, perhaps beyond. You’ll reiterate that our families matter, that we don’t yet actually have total marriage equality, and that we deserve fair and equal treatment. You’ll be helping me persevere and meet my needs during these struggles – I’m also suing Allegheny County and UPMC for violating my due process rights under the Fourteenth Amendment. Sound familiar?

Lesbians and all queer and trans folx deserve visibility in their relationships from beginning to end. We deserve safety, fairness, and the full protection of law.

Conclusion

The last thing we can do right now is lose ANY LGBTQ rights. That plays right into the hands of Project 2025.

We have filed our brief, spoken with our partners, and wait for a hearing date. I can wait for some influencer or famous LGBTQ person to share my plea if I catch their attention. Or I can continue to remind everyday folx of the stakes and hope that modest donations will carry the day.

Meanwhile, we continue to do the work, especially protecting trans kids – remember some trans adults are in same sex marriages or domestic partnerships, too. Some trans kids have parents in those relationships. I’ll be distributing signs and stickers this week to folx attending upcoming protests.

That thread woven into all of our issues, challenges, and victories must not leave anyone behind.

Thank you if you can donate. Thank you for your support if you cannot. Thank you for helping me earn this honor and to continue doing the work that I love.

Special thanks to my friend Steve Mellon for the photography.

In honor of Lesbian Visibility Week and my Power Lesbian status, let me close with this lyric from the Indigo Girls

Raise your hands

Raise your hands high

Don’t take a seat

Don’t stand aside

This time

Don’t assume anything

Just go go go