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Today, my friend John would be 56 years old. Even in whatever heaven for terrific people might look like, he is cringing about that. But in some sort of heaven is a certainty for John. No doubt. I don’t even really believe in heaven or maybe I do, a little. But I know that a […]
Growing up in emotional, financial, and physical chaos, I learned early on that my saying “no” was at worst, dangerous, and at best, ineffectual. I did not learn the social skills of setting healthy boundaries for myself because almost no one around me modeled that behavior. I grew up in a time when boundaries were […]
Last week, friends set up a meal train for us to help me with my struggle to eat. It has been a lovely resource and quite effective. Dinner is handled most nights giving Laura a bit of breathing room with all the home stuff she has to manage in addition to her job and all […]
It has been five and a half weeks since my mother died. The phrase “and I still haven’t’ really cried” keeps coming to my lips, as if there’s a certain moisture emission density that is necessary to be a proper mourner. But it is true that I have not cried a lot, more often oozing […]
When I was a teenager and young adult, I struggled with the simple concept that I was a woman. I wasn’t questioning my gender identity; I was questioning my validity. Anytime I had to say something like “I’m a woman” in any context, I was self-conscious and awkward and keenly aware that I felt ‘othered.” […]
Yesterday, a family friend of Matthew Spampinosa left a comment on this blog post about his death. I was appalled enough to draft a message in response to her, but my gut tells me she isn’t going to hear me. So I opted to share my thoughts with you. After all, just today Georgia introduced […]
The term ‘appliance repairman’ is almost quaint. Perhaps ‘appliance repairperson’ would be better if more difficult. But Mr. Spirko has been repairing our appliances since 2003 or so, so I’ll allow for the throwback to 1970. Laura and I are both unable to recall how we learned about him. There used to be a Northside […]
Tomorrow will be one month without my mother in this world. That feels momentous, like a tick closer on the timeline of her disappearance from this world. A month, then two, then six, and a year. And so forth. Her birthday. Her private significant milestone dates. I’ll put them all in my phone to remind […]
People tell you a lot of things about grief – the phases, the stages, the array of emotions. They tell you about the heart-stopping-grasp that grief has in your chest, a constricting band that hurts your heart and tightens your breathing. They tell you that each experience of grief is unique, that the absence of […]
Maybe it is The Gilded Age viewing, but I have been noting some social mores and trends when it comes to mourning and grieving. First, condolences. It is not 1893. You most likely have a cell phone, email, Messenger, or a myriad of communication tools. Extend your condolences directly to the grieving person. Not their […]
