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People tell you a lot of things about grief – the phases, the stages, the array of emotions. They tell you about the heart-stopping-grasp that grief has in your chest, a constricting band that hurts your heart and tightens your breathing. They tell you that each experience of grief is unique, that the absence of […]
Maybe it is The Gilded Age viewing, but I have been noting some social mores and trends when it comes to mourning and grieving. First, condolences. It is not 1893. You most likely have a cell phone, email, Messenger, or a myriad of communication tools. Extend your condolences directly to the grieving person. Not their […]
I’m not a believer in neat little transitions between “stages” of grief. Grief is messy and complicated and ugly. It is not dainty moist eyes on a lace kerchief. Well it might be, but it is also heaving sobs that drown any nearby material in the angst and sorrow of a broken heart. Grief oozes, […]
I keep thinking about the lyric from Prince’s Song ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ It’s been seven hours and 15 daysSince you took your love away When will that be? My mother died on Thursday February 10 at 6:45 PM. So does that mean at 1:45 AM on February 26, that grief moment will hit? Will […]
I appreciate the many expressions of sympathy about the death of my mother. The situation is complicated by a lot of trauma at the hands of other, now dead, family members and the many family members (all of them) who enabled or denied their predatory violence. In truth, every adult in my family on both […]
Today is the anniversary of one of the saddest days of my life. November 9, 2007, my beloved friend and quasi-big-brother died unexpectedly at the age of 41. His name was Dr. John P. Ruffing VMD. Each year on his birthday (April) and this date (November), I write a post. I feel his loss so […]
I haven’t written in awhile. As you know, my sweet little dog Ana died suddenly ten days ago. I’m still struggling with this loss. Please forgive my distance. So Wendy Bell got herself silenced on KDKA AM and very likely got herself a national slot somewhere in white supremacy conservative realms. You’ve done important work […]
CN: depression, suicide I woke up this morning from that thick fog of nightmares, the sort you have to physically wade yourself free from without succumbing to the false awakenings. I pulled my groggy subconscious free from traumatic images and experiences and sat up in bed with a start. As I sat there reorienting myself […]
Dear John, It will be 12 years Saturday since you died. I’m frightened by how quickly the memorials to you are overwhelming the memories with you. I guess that makes sense – we met when I was 15 years old and struggling to figure out all of the things. I was 37 when you died. […]
I use my Google calendar to track a lot things, but memorial dates are perhaps the most important to me. Because I don’t want to forget them, even if its sad to think about their deaths. I want to remember that they lived (birthdays) and acknowledge that their deaths were too soon and too sad. […]
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