That Time When the Social Security Administration Took Away My Disability Benefits Without Telling Me Why: Part One

SSDI Benefits Stopped

A week ago Friday, I put the final touches on an essay for PublicSource and gave it my blessing to be published the following Monday. The topic was social security and I had a teeny twinge about triggering an unwarranted review by someone who sees all the words I create, but doesn’t read them enough […]

Behind the essay: How writing about SSDI took a toll on my mental health

Sue Kerr trauma

Content Note: trauma, neglect, disability, Social Security Administration, mental health On October 28, I sent a draft essay to PublicSource to inquire about their interest in the topic. The final version was published on February 10, 2020. That’s over 100 days. I share this because I want to emphasize how much energy and time goes […]

Minute by minute with anxiety

Content Note: anxiety, trauma I have this stubborn belief that I can somehow untangle the strands of my anxiety from the strands of my trauma responses, that there is a clear line of delineation I can find if I just keep trying to feel my way through the fibers wrapped tightly around my chest. My […]

Processing Trauma with EMDR: Week Five

EMDR Trauma Processing

Content Note: trauma, EMDR, child abuse, sexual assault For more info on EMDR, talk with your therapist or visit this page. We decided to incorporate Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) into my therapy. Time has been the major constraint, so I’m documenting on my blog as a record for myself. You can read other posts […]

Ten Thanksgivings Without My Family

Thanksgiving placesetting

Content Note : trauma, neglect, family rejection, mental illness I don’t clearly remember the details of the last holiday meal I spent with my parents, but I know it was ten Thanksgivings ago. We were at Laura’s mother’s house and they were late. I was struggling mightily with mental health symptoms and not admitting yet […]

Coping with Four Facebook Bans over Eight Days, Personally and Professionally

Social media bans silence political bloggers

  This morning, I was notified that I have a 24-hour ban from Facebook. It is my fourth ban in an eight day span. There’s no explanation, there’s no clarity on exactly which Community Standards I violated, there’s no information. And there’s no way to compel Facebook to do anything. So I’m not going to […]

The loneliness of October

Trauma and Loneliness

Content Note: depression, trauma, sexual violence The last time I saw a friend in person by choice was September 22, 2019. That was three weeks ago, a probably unhealthy amount of time without socializing. And I have zero plans to change that pattern. This loneliness, this self-imposed isolation, is not new to me, but my […]

Losing My Psychiatrist on World Mental Health Day

World Mental Health Day 2019

Today I saw my psychiatrist. I’m having a tough time and had hoped he would have suggestions. After a solid talk, he agreed with me that I need to be seen twice a week for trauma processing treatment, commended me on my self-advocacy, and informed me he was leaving the agency at the end of […]

Update: My Therapist WILL See Me Twice a Week, Sort Of

I am aware that the content has been pretty heavy on the inner dialogue of late. That’s just where my head is, friends. I’m struggling as you probably see and chronicling the struggle seems to be a source of comfort and hope. Today, my therapist said that I don’t seem to have any hope even […]

My Therapist Won’t See Me Twice a Week

I’ve been in weekly therapy for years, at least the past 15. I like going often because I want to touch base and sharpen skills while also deal with the latest crap in life. Discovering my complex trauma diagnosis puts this in perspective – I had been making progress, but it was leading me toward […]