Of Pandemic Anniversaries: Part One

While I expected the “anniversary” of the pandemic would be sobering, I did not anticipate the emotional wall I would collide with this month. For the most part, we have had a relatively fortunate time during this horror. Our income didn’t change, we could work from home, we had lots of streaming services, access to […]

Both of my parents have COVID-19

Last week, my brother contacted me to let me know. He had authorized requesting hospice for them. They live in an assisted living facility here in Pittsburgh. They have a myriad of underlying conditions, ravages of lives hard lived and filled with tragedies. Of course, they end up both contracting an international pandemic causing virus. […]

On Day 227, I Turn 50 Years Old

I wrote this in 2018 My therapist told me that I may just have to endure my birthday each year, that I may not ever find the peace and comfort I’d like to have. It is too deeply connected to my own experiences of chronic trauma. It is not just depression or anxiety. It is […]

The (dis)comforts of turning 50

Comfort comes from feeling engaged and accepted by others. As I approach my 50th birthday, I naturally have been reflecting on well my 50 years of life. This past year has been a doozy, My 19 year old cat Simon died a few days after my 49th birthday. I had to end my relationship with […]

On Day 194, I’m Edgy

Content Note: sexual violence That’s an understatement. On Monday, I’m planning to use EMDR tools to begin working on some new information. The world is on fire, but I’m sticking with the plan. The new information isn’t actually new – I have attachment challenges, not the least was due to bonding with a substitute caretaker […]

My First Doll

Content Note: sexual violence, assault, intergenerational trauma, child abuse I still have my very first baby doll, a rag doll named Mary. She sleeps in a cradle that was originally a wooden planter. She lived on a relatives dresser for many years and I finally inherited her when that person moved. I’ve written before about […]

Q&A with Therapist Matthew Reinhart About Trauma During a Pandemic

Trauma

How are you doing? I feel the weight of the world so I reached out to some experts on trauma to offer some insight into navigating our personal challenges, our encounters with the anti-maskers, and more as queer people. These are really long reads because the topics are intense and novel (couldn’t resist.) I hope […]

Depression and leaving me home with the dog

Content Note: depression, bipolar disorder, trauma The past few days have been rough as I struggle through this depression. Very tough, painful and scary tough. The sort of symptoms where other people walk away because my pain and anguish are so big. And I can’t blame them. It is like these intense feelings are pounding […]

Behind the essay: How writing about SSDI took a toll on my mental health

Sue Kerr trauma

Content Note: trauma, neglect, disability, Social Security Administration, mental health On October 28, I sent a draft essay to PublicSource to inquire about their interest in the topic. The final version was published on February 10, 2020. That’s over 100 days. I share this because I want to emphasize how much energy and time goes […]

Minute by minute with anxiety

Content Note: anxiety, trauma I have this stubborn belief that I can somehow untangle the strands of my anxiety from the strands of my trauma responses, that there is a clear line of delineation I can find if I just keep trying to feel my way through the fibers wrapped tightly around my chest. My […]