It does get better. You approach your 40th birthday and embrace the gifts of maturity.  My partner and I are living the life, so to speak.  We have good jobs where we can be ourselves for the most part.  We have built a home together filled with a lot of real moments, including moments that have been sad and dark and devastating.  But we have each other.  Life is not perfect, but it is better.  Our parents realized they loved us more than they believed their prejudices.  They don't talk about us being gay, but they are part of our lives and it really is okay.  And for those who don't ... you fill your life with others.  You embrace your friends and appreciate the many ways they support and lift you up. 

I'm a firm believer that sometimes you just need to close your eyes and believe it will get better.  It always has, in some small incremental way. It isn't easy, painless or glamorous, but it is about believing in ourselves in some small way.

My favorite moment of each day is when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.  I come back to bed and Ledcat is asleep.  I always - ALWAYS - stop and think of how lucky I am to snuggle back into bed with someone who loves me with all of her heart and soul.  That soothes me right back to sleep.  It is the most precious  moment of the day for me and I truly know that it will continue to get better. 

The darkness is real, I know. But there is light and there is hope and there is so much love to surround each of us. Sometimes, you need to let that lift you up and carry you through.  Until it gets better for you.